The woman I am (Part 2)

To the mother i never knew....

my emotions are like a pendulum when i think about you these days,
i honestly dont know wat to feel anymore; part of me blames you for not bein there,
for leaving me knowing that i would need you, knowing noone could ever replace you,

another part of me jus feels resigned to the situation in which you were just but a victim;
it happened,nothin can be done about it now,
i wonder what it would be like if you were still here,
i wonder how i would have turned out if you had been around,
would i have been a better person?
or did your absence from my life help shape the good aspects of my character?

i wonder how it was for you, in those last days
knowing you were dying....they say you had given up and just wanted to die,
i cry when i imagine the pain you must have felt,
knowing you were going to die without seein your little angels,
knowing that you would never watch us grow...

my heart bleeds for you mommy,
i wonder how i can live my life and somehow make it a tribute to you,
how, when i never really knew you,

im searchin for something, what i dont know,
i know if you were here you would give me answers,
i need guidance and strength, do you feel it when i reach out for you?
it seems the more time passes, the fresher the wound gets,
give me strength....